Conversations <- Funny, Must Read

Conversations by Redkinoko

A female GM named GM*Fatima and a novice named Nards appear in the hidden room of Prontera AKA the limbo, the room of justice, or simply the GM room.


Episode 1 First Meeting:

GM*Fatima: Hello.
Nards: Wow a GM!
GM*Fatima: Do you know where you are?
Nards: With a GM!
GM*Fatima: Yes and do you know why we're here?
Nards: Pa heal po plzzzz.
GM*Fatima: .... (retardation isnt a status ailment)
Nards: Plzzzz.

Quote :

Author's note: What I'll be posting isnt what I would call a short story, or a longer one for that matter. Just think of it as comic strip collection without the drawings. I've gathered quite a collection of script-type dialogue scenes derived from a failed attempt to create a more substantial story and I think for this case, adding narration will just cheapen the whole idea.

Episode 2: The GM Room

Nardz: You know, I've always liked girls in white.
GM*Fatima: /...
Nardz: You dont look like you have a boyfriend yet. Hi, I'm guapo.
GM*Fatima: You still havent answered my question! Do you know what this room is for??
Nardz: *blushes* Wow, so daring. Isnt this a room for two?
GM*Fatima:

Episode 3: Scammer

GM*Fatima: Ok. Let's get this over with. You've been reported by many other novices as a scammer.
Nardz: Im not a scammer!
GM*Fatima: But we've already recieved enough reports to say that you are.
Nardz: Isnt scamming something that you do on a messageboard? I dont do that.
GM*Fatima: That's spamming, you dolt!!
Nardz: Meanie.

Episode 4: Blue Gem

GM*Fatima: Bah this is going nowhere. I'll just get back to you when I have more wits to spare.

Nardz: Hey, where did all the love go? What about us and this room for two?

GM*Fatima: *searches pockets* Let's see, where's that blue gem...

Nardz: You mean the shiny stone you dropped before warping us here?

GM*Fatima: Say what?? Oh my kickers! I cant believe this is happening!!

Nardz: AAaaaaahhh

GM*Fatima: Aaaaaaahhh

Nardz: AAAAAAAhhhh

GM*Fatima: AAAAAhhhh~

Nardz: That we're going to starve here and die? Aaaaaaaaaah~

GM*Fatima: No. That Im going to have to spend the rest of my shortened life with you around. Aaaaah~

Episode 4: First Meeting, Redux

GM*Fatima: Ok so maybe we got off on the wrong foot.

Nardz: Left or right?

GM*Fatima: I'll pretend I didnt hear that.

Nardz: Hear what?

GM*Fatima: Let's just introduce ourelves first. I'm GM*Fatima.

Nardz: Hmmm...

GM*Fatima: Eh?

Nardz: Hmmm...

GM*Fatima: Arent you going to introduce yourself?

Nardz: Hey baby, are you a full support priestess? Coz you make me want to party with you!!!

GM*Fatima: That's not an introduction... IT'S A FREAKING PICK-uP LINE!!

Nardz: Cool huh? I made it myself.

GM*Fatima: Err.. it violates my only rule in dating.

Nardz: And what would that be?

GM*Fatima: NO PETS ALLOWED.

Episode 5: Fate

Nards: I think we're going to die here of old age.
GM*Fatima: What a stupid way to die.
Nards: ...
GM*Fatima: ...
Nards: ...
GM*Fatima: ...
Nards: Wanna get laid?
GM*Fatima: How about if I teach you a new novice trick instead?
Nards: A new trick? What's it called?
GM*Fatima: DROP DEAD.

Episode 6: The Apocalyptic Knife

Nards: I will destroy this land with this apocalyptic knife. Unless of course you're willing to trade something for it. In which case you'll be the one who'll be doing the destroying.

GM*Fatima: Knife? Isnt that the default weapon of novices?

Nards: What default? This thing is a forbidden weapon.

GM*Fatima: Are you trying to scam me, a GM? Either you're very brave or very stupid.

Nards: I was hurt by that remark!

GM*Fatima: ...

Nards: I prefer the term daringly naive hero.

GM*Fatima: Well, that thing looks like it couldnt cut hot bread.

Nards: No. This is as real as it's gonna get. The stuff of legends.

GM*Fatima: If this thing is real then why the hell does it have a 100z pricetag?

Nards: Im a struggling hero.

Episode N: Level 99

Nardz: Dont mess with me, woman. I may be a novice but Im level 99!

GM*Fatima: Really now, stop bullshitting me.

Nardz: No kidding. Im level 99.

GM*Fatima: Ok, so where's your aura?

Nardz: You're staring at it.

GM*Fatima: Where?

Nardz: Beneath my feet.

GM*Fatima: I dont see nothing!

Nardz: See the dark circle? That's my special aura.

GM*Fatima: We call that your shadow you nil-INT

Nardz: I suppose you've never heard of the dark side?

GM*Fatima: Dark has nothing to do with it. You're just not bright enough.

Nardz: What was that?

GM*Fatima: Nothing.

Nardz: ...

GM*Fatima: ...

Nardz: Hey, wow. You have the aura too.

Episode N+1 : Mediation

GM*Fatima: You know, this, being trapped, that is, is starting to turn out half as bad as it should be.

Nardz: I guess you're right. With the fast pace of our short noisy lives, being given a period of silence like this is quite refreshing.

GM*Fatima: Yeah. Deep. Unadulterate tranquility. Mmmm...

Nardz: ...

GM*Fatima: ...

*UTOT*

Nardz: That wasnt me by the way.

GM*Fatima: I take back what I've said. I want out.

Episode N +3 : Virtual Reality

Nardz: Sometimes I dream that my current self is just a virtual
representation of another me hooked in a machine that connects
to a thousand others in a network that simulates the real world.

GM*Fatima: Interesting premise. Continue.

Nardz: Maybe if I can find a key to my reawakening in the other world,
I can go write a movie about it there and earn a few million zennies
along the way. Then, I can go plug myself in again and do some
really cool stuff with my money.

GM*Fatima: Well, now that you've mentioned your plan, I think I have the key
that you're looking for.

Nardz: Really?? What kind of key would it be?

GM*Fatima: Pills. Cyanide pills.

Episode N + 4 : Names

Nardz: Fatima... you have a very funny name.

GM*Fatima: It just reflects your sense of taste. Rancid.

Nardz: No, I mean try repeating it a few times and it says something about you.

GM*Fatima: Eh? Fatima Fatima Fatima..

Nardz: ... I'ma Fat I'ma Fat I'ma fat

GM*Fatima: *Jupitel Thunder*

Episode N + 5 : Power Problem

Nardz: Looks like the power crisis is getting worse in Prontera

GM*Fatima: We really should find a way to find a new source of energy.

Nardz: More brownouts for us then?

GM*Fatima: Undoubtedly.

Nardz: Maybe we can harness the light coming out of those level-99 citizens. Just think of all that energy going to waste. If we can strap them into a post, walah! Instant streetlamp! The streets will never grow dark if we have them on our streets!

GM*Fatima: I seriously think we should be tapping into your stupidity instead. I dont think we'll be running out of that anytime soon.

Episode N + 6 : Porings

Nardz: Why are porings pink?

GM*Fatima: If you were naked and transparent and everybody who came along could see every single bit of you, you'd be pink with embarassment too.

Nardz: No, I wont. Wanna see?

GM*Fatima: Where the hell is a blinker when you need one?

Episode N + 7: Priests

Nards: If priests are not allowed to use anything with blades, how do they shave?

GM*Fatima: Maybe they pluck their facial hairs instead.

Nards: Ouch, maybe that's why they're always cranky when I hit them up for free heals.

GM*Fatima: Or maybe you remind them of their unwanted hairs - crooked and stubborn.

Nards: But that's not the only thing you have to cut in your body in your lifetime, right?

GM*Fatima: Are you talking about 'that'?

Nards: Uhuh.

GM*Fatima: You can't pluck that. I dont have to be a guy to know that.

Nards: Hmmm.. maybe that's why most of them become celibates.

GM*Fatima: It's amazing how your simple mind manages to sew totally unrelated things together.

Nards: I'm gifted.

GM*Fatima: Hmmm... Bordering on 'special', actually.

Episode N + 8: Dancer

Nards: I think I already know what I want to become.

GM*Fatima: Yeah? You've decided to stop being a leech to the economy and get a job?

Nards: I want to become a dancer.

GM*Fatima: We dont have male dancers.

Nards: That's why I want to become the first male dancer - macho dancer.

GM*Fatima: That would be pretty effective. If you burn the eyes of everyone with your horrible dancing, they wont be able to fight back.

Nards: Nothing like that. I'll make them fall in love with my grace. Nobody has to get hurt.

GM*Fatima: You mean nobody other than you.

Nards: I'll demonstrate to you, the unbeliever, my dance of love skill. You'll fall in love in ten seconds.

*After ten seconds of dancing*

GM*Fatima: Wow. You're right. I have fallen in love.

Nards: Really?? Damn, I dont know my own talents.

GM*Fatima: Yes. I've fallen in love with this piece of rock here. It definitely has more charisma than you and your cheap sprite dancing. Congratulations, you're grace. *snicker*

Nards: maybe I should just sing instead.

GM*Fatima: *LEX DIVINA*

Episode 9 Dream Job:

Nardz : When I was younger, I wanted to become a GM.

GM*Fatima : Wow. You actually wanted to work?

Nardz : Yeah. A GM like you guys.

GM*Fatima : Hmmm why would that be?

Nardz : Well, GMs can transform into other jobs right?

GM*Fatima : If you force it, yeah.

Nardz : Then you can turn yourself into a novice so you can beg all you want without anybody bothering you, right? That'd be awesome.

GM*Fatima : They really should consider allowing pets as a job class for parasites like you.

Nardz : You're always cruel. Why are you always picking on me??

GM*Fatima : Dictatorship was a childhood dream of mine.

Episode 10: Counterattack!

GM*Fatima : What are you doing with my notes?

Nardz : Oh, these? I saw them lying around so I got curious

GM*Fatima : That's not for novices like you.

Nardz : Hmm? Oh, yeah. I took the liberty of optimising the equations you're using for your spells.

GM*Fatima : Whoah. I didn't know you can do this.

Nardz : The spells were poorly calibrated. If this get's any poorer, somebody could get killed. I just had to correct them.

GM*Fatima : Why are you still a novice?

Nardz : I think the better question is why are you still a GM?

GM*Fatima : nyuuuu~

*EnD Dream sequence*

GM*Fatima : That was one helluva dream.

Nardz : Dreaming of me again?

GM*Fatima : ...

Nardz : I guess it cant be helped when you're with a manly icon like me

GM*Fatima : Wait. What the hell are you reading? Is that my spell book?

Nardz : err... no.

GM*Fatima : Phew. (So it was just a dream afterall) What ARE you reading anyway?

Nardz : Your diary.

GM*Fatima :

Nardz : (help)

GM*Fatima : Ka... me... ha.. me...

Episode N + 11:

Nards: If you were a monster what would you be and why?

GM*Fatima: Dont you ever run out of stupid ideas?

Nards: I was just asking a question..

GM*Fatima: Fine! I want to be the mimic of the first level of the pyramids so I can go kill as many stupid novices as I want.

Nards: Umm.. I think you should be less vocal when you're power tripping. You never know when somebody might be listening in.

GM*Fatima: Dont you still get it? We're trapped in the GM room! Nobody can hear us here!

*Audience Laugh Track Plays in the Background*

GM*Fatima: What the hell was that?

Nards: Dunno. Anyway, me, I want to become a doppelganger. So I can go immitate other people.

GM*Fatima: Then what's the sense of being a monster in the first place?

Nards: I can pretend to be a novice and beg for everything that I'll ever need.

GM*Fatima: Your point being?

Nards: Begging for stuff is cool.

GM*Fatima:

Episode ___ : Secret Agent

Nards: It might not occur to you at once but Im a GM too.

GM*Fatima: Which part of "Dont mess with GMs" do you not understand?

Nards: Hahaha. I'm one of you guys. You just dont know it.

GM*Fatima: And why would I not know?

Nards: I'm a secret agent. They call me Nards, HP 007

GM*Fatima: If you're a secret agent you'd be redefining the term 'counter-intelligence'.

Nards: You're just being envious again.

GM*Fatima: Ok, prove it.

Nards: If I'm not a GM then why are we in the GM room?

GM*Fatima: BECAUSE I SENT YOU HERE TO PUNISH YOU FOR YOUR SCAMMING!

Nards: Huh? I thought I was brought here to arrest a fake GM. You're gonna have to prove you're a GM.

GM*Fatima: You said you like begging, right? It would be wise for you to start begging for your life right now...

Episode 21 : Annoyance

Nards: Argh~! I can't take it anymore! You're just too cruel to me! I'm just a novice!

GM*Fatima: I'm not being cruel. Where ever did you get that idea?

Nards: You keep on calling me stupid. Your expectation of me is low as dirt!

GM*Fatima: That's not cruelty. I'm just being brutally honest.

Nards: I'm going to sue you with my money and my lawyers! Your GM title wont save you from my lawsuits!

GM*Fatima: You've been playing too much of that crappy iRL game again. We dont have lawyers and lawsuits here. That would be too brutal to be real.

Nards: Cant help it. Life's better there. They dont have snotty GMs. I can dream, cant I?!

GM*Fatima: Dreaming requires mental activity so, Im skeptical about that.

Nards: You're doing it again, you old hag.

GM*Fatima: Am I? Err... well, you can always try...

Episode ____ : Alchemists

(note: Transmutation is the process of turning one substance to another substance using the process of alchemy. Or so I think)

GM*Fatima : Damn, I'm starting to get really hungry.

Nardz : I think it's my turn to help you out.

GM*Fatima : How? Do you have food with you?

Nardz : No. But at one point in my meaningful life, I was an alchemist. I learned to survive by transmuting food from other things.

GM*Fatima :Stop pulling my leg or I'll pull both of yours off.

Nardz : Ok then... I'm not the hungrier one.

GM*Fatima : Err.. are you really serious? (I must be really getting desperate)

Nardz : Sure. I should try to prove it, right?

GM*Fatima : *Nods*

Nardz : Ok. Let's make bread. But given our situation, I cant really make something out of nothing.

GM*Fatima : So what do we transmute?

Nardz : Hmmm...


GM*Fatima : ...

Nardz : Hmmm...

GM*Fatima : ...

Nardz : Take off your clothes. Those will make delicious bread.

GM*Fatima : Ok, tell me why I shouldn't be cooking you with Jupitel Thunder and eating you instead? Some cook in Prontera told me that worms can be eaten when cooked properly.

Nardz : I'm too young to be eaten~

GM*Fatima : You're right. If I eat you, I might die of poisoning or mad cow or something.

Nardz : *PHew*

GM*Fatima : But at this point, a quick death is starting to become a good option.

Nardz :

Episode X: Great Red Destiny!

Nardz: Just now, Ive come to the realisation that I'm destined for great things.

GM*Fatima : You really should have taken out too many points on your int at the academy.

Nardz: I knew you'd say something like that! You want proof? I'll give you proof.

Nardz: *points at hair*

GM*Fatima : What, you finally found out that thing's hollow inside?

Nardz: My hair, old hag, my hair.

GM*Fatima : Call me old hag again and a village will be missing an idiot real soon.

Nardz: Err... Do you know Nerva?

GM*Fatima :I've heard stories about him.

Nardz: And Pritong Kandule?

GM*Fatima :Notorious.

Nardz: What do they have in common?

GM*Fatima : They have jobs unlike your jobless ass?

Nardz: No! THey have red-hair! Like me!

GM*Fatima :...

Nardz: This is a sign that my story will be told by parents to their children someday!

GM*Fatima :Something along the lines of 'huwang tularan' I suppose.

Nardz: Bah! Unbeliever!

GM*Fatima : But you know, that hair of yours does reminds me of something.

Nardz: Another legend?

GM*Fatima :An ugly Penomena.

----------
Disclaimah:
Nerva 'al Thor and Pritong Kandule are intellectual properties of hmm... Ms. Nerva (the writer) and Arjay. If any of the concerned parties are annoyed, insulted, or just plain bothered of this episode, do notify me ASAP. If not, thanks for letting me use them.

Episode __ : Death

Nards: ...

GM*Fatima: ...

Nards: ...

GM*Fatima: You've been extra quiet lately. Has your brain finally given up on you?

Nards: *dies*

GM*Fatima:

GM*Fatima: ...

GM*Fatima: ...

GM*Fatima: What now?

*an hour later*

GM*Fatima: ...

GM*Fatima: I must admit, this is getting really boring.

GM*Fatima: Maybe he's still breathing...

Nards: TAADAAAAH!

GM*Fatima: (my bloody heart's failing me!)

Nards: Hehehe, you must admit, my "Play Dead" acting skill's getting better.

GM*Fatima: Nards....

Nards: Why, it would only be just that you compare me to Tom Cross, Brad Priest and Keanu Reds

GM*Fatima: Nards....

Nards: You can get my autograph later. Um, what are you going to do with my apocalyptic knife?

GM*Fatima: Adding realism. I've always fancied Reality TV.

Nards: *urk*

Episode (N - 1) : Devil Deal

Nards: I was thinking, if I made a pact with Baphomet, would he let me out of this mess?

GM*Fatima: Let's just say if you sold your soul to the devil, he'd be calling you a scammer faster than you can say seventh circle of hell.

Nards: You're saying it like it's a bad thing.

GM*Fatima: Hahaha, you're almost dead already and you're still like the perfect novice.

Nards: Why? Is it because I'm cute and innocent as falling snow?

GM*Fatima: No. You got no class.